Please telly, have mercy on me

Please make it stop.

We’ve just got shot of the horrendous claptrap they call ‘Love Island’ and now a double assault of televisual rubbish is coming our way in the shape of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ and ‘Celebrity Big Brother’.

That this sort of thing gets airtime at all is baffling enough but the sheer volume of this drivel they produce is a sad reflection on society.

Let’s start with so-called talent shows. These encompass programmes like ‘Strictly’, ‘X-Factor’, ‘The Voice’, ‘Dancing on Ice’ and similar tripe. They are all the same. They stick some members of the public or has-been celebrities in front of cameras for eight or twelve tedious weeks and subject them to a panel of judges, one of whom must be a bit nastier than the rest. And of course there’s usually a phone-in vote to pilfer money off gullible people.

It’s just a template to rinse and repeat.

Then there’s what I’ll call the ‘group reality TV shows’ where they take some idiots, put them in a house or on an island and then try to get them doing tasks that’ll both embarrass them and get their clothes off. ‘Big Brother’ and ‘Love Island’ fit into this category.

Finally there’s the ‘individual or family realty TV’, where we generally follow some non-entity of a so-called celebrity through their day. ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ or whatever the nonsense Katie Price and Peter Andre is called fit the bill here.

I can see why people take part in these things. There are always going to be members of the public and c-list celebrities willing to prostitute themselves for a shot at fame or fortune. But the bit that truly baffles me is that there are enough idiot viewers watching these things to keep justifying a constant stream of new series’.

I can only surmise that the aliens did indeed come down at Roswell in 1947 and have since been removing the brains from large parts of the population. There is simply no other explanation.

I repeat: please make it stop.

Sorry, rant over.