DVLA Gruppenführers

I just wanted to take a moment to have a pop at the DVLA. I am on three-yearly eye tests due to an eye problem called retinitis pigmentosa. This can cause blindness, but in my case it won’t. My consultant said I have it in a minor way and acquired it late in life, so unless I live to 170 it won’t be a problem.

Yet the DVLA insist on three-yearly eye tests anyway. I presume they like the pointless admin involved and enjoy inconveniencing me for no practical purpose. Either that or they’ve all done a decade of medical training and feel they can override a mere consultant.

I was due my latest test over 15 months ago but it was put on hold. This was partly due to Covid of course, which is perfectly fine, but largely due to the DVLA’s own ineptitude.

So I’ve been driving around without a license for 15 months, relying on Section 88 of The Road Traffic Act and my GP’s permission to remain legal.

Today I finally received the notice from the DVLA instructing me to go for an eye test. What astonishes me is their authoritarian attitude and impatience given their lax attitude to the previous 15 months. I must book the test within seven days or I’ll be tied in piano wire and hung from the rafters of their Covid-infested office. And I must attend the appointment within a month or I’ll be disemboweled and left out to be pecked to death by the office canary.

Their letter failed to mention the way they forced their staff into the office during Covid, which created a building-sized petri dish for the virus to breed in, needlessly inflicting Covid on many of their staff. They also failed to apologise to me for being 15 months late. Perhaps the apology will come in a second letter.

Anyway, rant over.