Coolest orders of nobility in England

The orders of nobility in England rank as follows:

  1. Duke
  2. Marquess
  3. Earl
  4. Viscount
  5. Baron
  6. Baronet
  7. Knight

Everyone else is merely a proletariate underling and not worthy of consideration.

Strangely, they're all addressed as 'Lord' or 'Lady' other than dukes, who go by 'Your Grace' and knights, who go by 'Sir' or 'Dame'.

However, when a title is bestowed upon me, as it surely will be, I have a preference for being a baron or a knight because I think they're the coolest titles.

A baron conjures up images of biplanes, fluttering scarves and tin legs, and a knight conjures up images of, well, knights in shining armour. These are cool images.

I'd argue that dukes, marquesses and earls merely conjure up images of crusty old codgers or disaffected youngsters punting in straw hats. And a baronet sounds like a musical instrument.

Castle Dracula We've missed a trick with the viscount, though. It has a superfluous 'vis' on the front and if it was merely a 'count' it would be the coolest of all. There we picture images of flowing capes, misty castles, subtle menace and debauchery. Some European countries still have counts and it's most annoying that they are cooler in that respect.

The same could be said of archduke. Europe has those too and they sound much superior to mere dukes. I expect it triggers a lot of oneupmanship at pan-European cocktail parties.

One of England's main problems is that it has never excelled at cool, perhaps other than when we led the music scene in the 1960s.

Ideally I'd like to be Count Gordy, although I'm sure many who know me would insist the title has one too many letters in my case.